"Why are we using Relativity in physics?"
It works. It lets us understand the Universe displayed.
"Unproven:"
Nothing in Science is *ever* proven. If you want proofs, stick to Religion, Philosophy, Law, or Mathematics.
"gravity waves,"
Big news story this week. Been seen. Still subject to verification.
"time-dilation,"
Measured every day, all over the world.
"dark matter,"
We see it. Locally we know it to be normal matter. We just have more to learn to move "Dark" to the "known" column.
"dark energy."
We see it happening. This used to be the "cosmological constant", but we know it isn't constant over displayed history.
"Also gravity is a instantaneous phenomenon, that is proven,"
Nothing in Science is *ever* proven. If it were truly instantaneous, there could be some logic problems.
"so relativity's spacetime can not be physical."
So what? It is certainly persistent, and as steady as anything we have.
"See: Aberration and the Speed of Gravity (S. Carlip) Relativity is a total failure and is hampering scientific progress. there is also variable lightspeed data from radio astronomy."
So you cite a paper that uses relativity, and then start preaching? You are supposed to be asking questions, not preaching your personal religion.
We use Relativity because it has been tested for more than 100 years, we know where it fails, and it is a useful tool.